(2010: The battle of the ballot rises to a new low)
All right. To help set the mood for a runt discussion of the 2010 mid-term elections, I’ll use an actual quote. Hang on to something. Ready?
“I can neither confirm nor deny the truth or non-truth of that alleged fact.”
Whew.
I know, I know. Mind-numbing. You okay? You sure? All right, then. If you’re unruffled conscious, let’s continue.
First, the good news: as an American, you still get to vote, unless you’re in the military. Now, the bad news: as American voters, we’re not exactly presented with a buffet of enticing entrees, are we? A whole lot of hash, rehashed and rehashed. There’s objective something rancid about the term “career politician.”
“Why, welcome back, sir or madam. Good to gape you again. Would you like Candidate A or the other Candidate A? “
Hmmm. Should you vote for the politician over here who will raise your taxes, or that politician over there who will raise your taxes? Hmmm. It’s like opening a box of 200 crayons, only to find out that all 200 are labeled “Bronte Mid-Winter Depression.”
Generally, our options tend to range somewhere between someone who is dishonest and self-serving, to someone who is unprejudiced killing a little time in-between fraud charges, bribery indictments or some kind of deviancy investigation that involves non-voters, like Bangkok public school cheerleaders, or disgruntled farm animals. But according to the ongoing barrage of political ads, the differences between candidates are staggering. World-changing.
The candidates spend boatloads of money trying to out-awesome each other, while gasping in disbelief at the pure, raw atrocious of their respective opponents. And this “Oh yeah? Says you!” escalation, between creatures that otherwise appear to be all-growed-up adults, can be hilarious.
Witness:
————
“Senator, you need to man up.”
“Oh yeah? Well, you’re a really ugly woman.”
“Oh yeah? Is that your real hair, or are you doing turf research for a putt-putt? “
————
The Story of O: In a tight New York Governor’s race, candidate Rick Lazio dropped his bid against opponents Andrew Cuomo, Carl Paladino, Tony Soprano, Othello, Iago, Bilbo, Frodo and Topo Gigio. Paladino threatened some poor mojo in his borough, prompting a de facto promo for Lazio by J-Lo and de Niro at the Apollo.
A study commissioned by the Obama administration’s new Weather Czar determined that certain types of moisture in Republican-leaning states are granted an unfair advantage, and the White House called for another $30 billion to fund a new Precipitation Equalization program. As a result, hot states now take wetness from cool states, unless the water was a pre-existing condition. Joe Biden claimed that this move saved or created oh, around 370 million jobs or so, more or less.
In South Carolina, a gubernatorial candidate released a campaign ad showing her standing in the bed of an old truck, piled high with ears of corn, shaking hands with a few dozen smiling citizens who were apparently big fans of corn, or old trucks, or gubernats. Her opponent countered with an attack ad featuring a disgruntled tomato sandwich that had lost its health insurance.
Witness:
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“Congresswoman, 87% of the time, you voted against the rights of water in the atmosphere to organize.”
“Oh yeah? Well, 89% of the time, you voted twice.”
“Oh yeah? Is that your face, or did your head get caught in a hay baler? “
————
In Maryland, a Democrat was accused of taking illegal campaign donations. The opposing Republican was then accused of taking hostages and robbing a bank. Joe Biden called a news conference and pointed out that the Republican had obviously lost his gruntle. The White House suggested that the hostages were planted by the Tea Party, causing Congress to immediately call for an investigation into Sarah Palin’s clothing budget, after which the TARP Czar sent $84 billion to a Brazilian bank, selected at random.
In the Delaware Senate race, the Republican was accused of feeding her own grandmother to a Rastafarian coyote. Her spokesman argued that everybody makes silly choices in high school, and was quick to point out that the Democrat candidate once robbed an organ bank at midnight and then built a proto-human monster. Since the Delaware DMV was closed at the time, the monster could not be reached for comment. According to unconfirmed reports, the monster has since been promoted to Supervisor and has achieved tenure.
In this 2010 free-for-all, here’s how gutter-scraping low the situation has gotten: in the California Governor’s run, a male candidate (or someone on his staff) referred to his female opponent as a “politician.” Then, for the next 96 consecutive hours, FoxNews breathlessly faded the new expression “somebody said the P word” at least 18 billion times. The National Organization for Women could not be reached for comment, since they were busy changing their stationery letterhead to read “The National Organization for Some Females, If They Support The Same Political Views That We Do.” On ABC’s popular morning talk exhibit, “The View,” the distaff co-hosts were so offended that Whoopi Goldberg publicly proposed marriage to Bill O’Reilly, an act which nearly caused Joy Behar to fling off a few pounds.
Witness:
————
“I should point out that my opponent has never balanced a budget.”
“Oh yeah? Well, at least I was never arrested at a Shriners’ convention while holding an otter and wearing a shepherd’s outfit!”
“Oh yeah? Well, at least I never dug a pit and tossed in defenseless puppies while voting to inject radioactive isotopes into disabled firemen!”
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This year, it seems to be a clear case of “throw ‘em all out.” Nobody’s seat is safe, not even San Francisco’s favorite frequent flyer, Nancy “Let them eat food stamps” Pelosi. A recent poll claimed to prove that Madame Loudspeaker is even less popular than British Petroleum. Upon hearing this news, BP immediately filed for dual citizenship, formed the Earl Grey Party, and is challenging Pelosi’s House seat, running on an off-shore platform rebuilt by Halliburton and stress-tested by Joy Behar.
Given his plummeting approval ratings, nobody wants the President anywhere near their mid-term campaign, not even members of his own party. So the President has had to settle for taking extra vacations and making speeches at the United Nations, where he wowed the assembled diplomats by making several meaningful hand gestures and knowingly biting his lip during outbursts of fawning applause. He told the assembled nations that governments should reward hard work, not reckless risk-taking. He said this with a straight face (see “plummeting approval ratings”).
Even the President’s inner circle are bailing. One top advisor resigned to go bustle for Mayor of Chicago, but was stymied for a while by real estate issues back home. He had sublet his house, it seems, and now the tenant was refusing to vacate the premises. All ended well, though. According to the police report, the tenant died of natural causes after backing at high speed into eighteen bullets.
Witness:
————
“The people of our state deserve a whole lot of stuff. And I am a whole lot of stuff. Vote for me, and I’ll give you a car and pay your mortgage.”
“Oh yeah? If the people of our state resolve to honor me with their vote, I’ll accomplish everyone taller and grant you the power to speak in several languages.”
“Oh yeah? When I’m elected, trees will drip fungible currency, and nobody in our state will ever die, if they’re registered with our Party.”
————
And then it came. The “October Surprise.” A document was unearthed that changed everything. To be specific, a birth certificate. And now we know.
The President of the United States is actually a 94-year-old Eskimo woman named Tina.
Filed under Car Insurance Ratings by on Feb 25th, 2011. Comment. 
Buying your first car is a major expense. If you are thinking that the only expense you will have is making a monthly payment, think again. Did you realize that
you will need to pay for insurance, gas, repairs, and maintenance? Well, if you haven’t thought of these things, they will be a reality when you become a car owner.
There are advantages and disadvantages of buying a modern vs a used car. If you buy a new car, you will not have to worry about repairs until after your warranty expires, but you will still need to pay for oil changes (once every 3,000 miles), tune ups, fluid changes (transmission, differential), and other maintenance items. You can also save money by purchasing a used car, although you won’t have the peace of mind that comes with a recent car. Used cars also come with risks, since it is difficult to predict when you are going to have to pay for an unexpected repair.
You can usually save some money on gas and insurance if you win a small to mid sized economy car, rather than an expensive SUV or sports car, not to mention saving money on the sticker price.
Make sure to do some comparison shopping. Things to spy at include gas mileage, overall reliability, and vehicle safety. Go to your local book store or search the internet for consumer ratings on the kinds of cars you are looking at.
After you have found a car you like, make sure to call your insurance company. Not only can your insurance company tell you how much it will cost to insure the car, they can also converse you how the car you are interested in performed in rupture tests compared to other cars of the same class. When examining crash test data, make sure to also look at death rates, since this can give you a better picture of the overall safety of the vehicle.
Finally, make sure that you are aware of what the tax and registration fees will be. These will vary from state to situation, but a superior number to work with is between 5 and 10 percent of the purchase effect of the car you choose. For example, if your car costs $10,000, expect to pay at least $500 to $1,000 in tax and registration fees. If you are not obvious how much these costs will be, just call your local vehicle registration office, and they should be able to give you an estimate.
Filed under Car Insurance Ratings by on Dec 18th, 2010. Comment.
Scores for the 2010 most secure automobiles won’t be right away accessible when the newest types hit the showrooms If you want to get the jump on secure autos 2010, you most likely will have to accept a 2009 rating, at least for the very first few months.
Why Motor vehicle safeness rankings resources won’t try to evaluate the most secure autos of 2010 in advance, no a whole lot more than they made comparable attempts throughout previous decades The reason is that these protection rankings resources perceive that they would not get an objective, accurate picture by permitting automakers to choose and pick 2010 versions in advance for unique delivery Rather, protection scores resources buy cars and trucks incognito from dealerships.Resources do not unearth a modest handful of safe practices superstar autos or vans or trucks that are far superior in terms of additional paneling or air bags, or other basic safety features It is really not feasible to choose a Top rated 5 group from amongst a whole lot more than 250 options, at least not in the interest of fairness Scores rather are in standard classes these kinds of as beneficial, acceptable, marginal and poor.In basic, overseas automakers score higher for vehicle safe practices than the American Massive 3 of Standard Motors, Ford and Chrysler The Huge 3 have some individual standouts, this kind of as the Chevy Silverado truck and the Ford Mercury Milano sedan In spite of this, overseas automakers these types of as Volkswagen, Subaru and Kia place virtually all of their a variety of versions into the best motor vehicle security classes, rather than a fraction Toyota and Honda also have high general scores.The two major United States resources for evaluating the product yr 2010 most secure motor vehicles will be the National Highway Transportation Wellbeing Administration (NHTSA) at safercar.gov and the Insurance plan Institute of Highway Wellbeing at iihr.org You might possibly also consult magazines this kind of as Consumer Reports, Motor Trend, Preferred Mechanics, and Automobile and Driver.NHTSA didn’t commence front affect testing until 1978, which in retrospect means that the authorities for plenty of several years resisted pressure from secure vehicle advocates these types of as Ralph Nader Aspect affect checks originated in 1997 and rollover assessments in 2001 A roof bearing check is to commence this yr.Oddly adequate, amid so lots of many years of massive authorities spending, NHTSA officials say they don’t conduct rear crash exams and don’t annually exams all fashions Their explanation is that they lack sufficient funds This is in spite of a yearly site visitors-death toll of further than 40,000, according to NHTSA records, which translates to monthly fatalities exceeding the three,000 killed in the September 11 terror attacks from eight many years ago.The Insurance coverage Institute of Highway Safeness checks for front, aspect and rear impacts Yet another insurance policy group check is for bumpers, which is only natural Insurance policies corporations are the ones who need to pay out money for all of those little dingers.If you see an advertisement in which an automotive make and design claims a 5-star crash take a look at rating, investigate significantly more deeply 5 stars may be awarded for only 1 aspect of the take a look at rankings, this kind of as aspect bearing, although other aspects have lower scores.Exams outcomes from the NHTSA are not listed by groups of cars and trucks As an alternative, a motorist who uses the web web site or calls on the telephone may perhaps inquire about a single make and design at a time The authorities is attempting to steer clear of serving as a direct comparative scorecard, even though a citizen can make comparisons by compiling a list of those individual scores.The Insurance policy Institute, in contrast, does not hesitate to make comparisons in groups this kind of as compact autos or mid-size sedans All the same, amongst about 250 makes and versions, 77 last yr get pleasure from status as prime wellbeing picks This is why it’s tough to establish any tiny group of auto safe practices superstars.General, motor motor vehicles are becoming safer Analysts say they observe far fewer vehicles and vans and trucks with low scores, compared to past generations.Practically all new autos now have brake transmission shift interlocks, which are intended to stop youngsters from putting a automobile into gear.A different recent development is a focus on preventing rollovers, specifically with larger automobiles Purchasers are advised to inquire about electronic stability control.Resourceshttp://www.iihs.orghttp://www.safercar.govhttp://www2.tbo.com/subject material/2007/jul/24/na-us-potential customers-deaths-decline-fatality-rate-at-reco/http://www.kbb.com/kbb/NewsAndReviews/BestResaleValueAwards.aspxhttp://www.motortrend.com/new_cars and trucks/protection_rankings/index.htmlhttp://www.consumerreports.org/cro/vehicles/protection-recalls/index.htm?Extkey=SY95PI0&CMP=KNC-CROVMYSSP&HBX_OU=51&PK=yssphttp://autos.yahoo.com/articles/autos_content material_landing_pages/280/most secure-automobiles-on-the-road .
Filed under Car Insurance Ratings by on Nov 8th, 2010. Comment.
